When Paulettra James met her husband, Jerry (JJ), he was already incarcerated.
They met through her son, who was incarcerated at the same Virginia prison as JJ.
“[Paulettra’s son] would always talk about this guy named JJ. So, time goes on … and he just keeps mentioning JJ. And I was like, ‘Okay, who is this JJ guy? Like, what’s his story?’,” she said.
Paulettra decided she wanted to have a conversation with him so that she could better understand what activities her son was participating in and who he was surrounding himself with while incarcerated because even though Paulettra talked to her son often, she was still not totally familiar with day-to-day life in prison.
“They did Bible studies, they did men’s group, they worked out together,” she said. “I was like, ‘Okay, well I’d like to talk to JJ,’ because I knew of prison, and I knew it existed, but like anything in life, it’s kind of out of sight, out of mind.”
At first, when Paulettra’s son would call, he’d put JJ on for a little. Soon, she and JJ became pen pals, by July of 2016, JJ was calling Paulettra directly.
“And by October, we were in love,” said Paulettra.
Paulettra’s relationship with JJ opened her eyes to the reform needed in Virginian’s criminal justice system. Before their relationship, Paulettra was unaware that Virginia doesn’t have parole.
“I knew that there had to be some way that individuals like him could find their way back into society and back into their family’s lives,” she said.
While incarcerated, JJ has not only received both a high school and college education, but has also learned trade skills and worked to create a positive community, both inside and outside of prison.
“He is working with the chaplain and the administration [at the prison] to start a father’s program, helping guys build relationships with their kids while [incarcerated] and how to maintain that relationship, and continue to be a good father and mentor in the communities that they come from. Just how to be better people,” Paulettra said about her husband.
Paulettra co-founded Sistas in Prison Reform, an advocacy organization that works to humanize people who’re incarcerated and advocate for legislation to provide incarcerated people with opportunities for a second chance.
“Mental health is very real, and for men it is not something they feel comfortable talking about, or sharing, or admitting they have. So [JJ] suffered in silence, and unfortunately, that suffering landed him where he is, but he’s no longer that person. Now, he’s a better person.”
Mass incarceration affects more than just the person incarcerated: it affects entire families. Paulettra recalls seeing a journal with a homework assignment one of JJ’s nephews had completed.
“… I came across a writing, and the teacher had asked them to write five things that they would like, and the first one was he wanted to buy his mama’s house …. But the second thing was he wanted his Uncle Jerry to come home from prison. Everybody’s just ready for him to come home, and it’s time for him to come home, because he’s just serving no purpose sitting in prison.”
When JJ is released, he wants to work and spend time with family.
“He would like to drive commercial trucks....” said Paulettra. “He wants to mentor young men, like speaking to young men to let them know that the path they choose can either be one way or it can lead them to where he is. Sharing his story of [endurance], and the importance of getting an education is important to JJ. He also feels it’s critical to talk about mental health, how to recognize mental health issues and shortcomings and do something about addressing it.”
Paulettra and JJ haven’t gotten to spend a single day outside of prison together, but they make the most out of the times they are together.
“Prison doesn’t prohibit us from enjoying life other than the things that we can’t do together. We can’t go have dinner together. We can’t take walks together. But you know, we have fun regardless,” said Paulettra.
Still, they look forward to the days they can spend together outside of prison.
“We’re excited and looking forward to life on the other side and all the aspects and potential opportunities that are coming our way. Life is short and you never know when you are not going to have a life again. And so just enjoy it. So that’s kind of what our dreams are: to live our best life,” said Paulettra.
